Writer’s Life #3 – Time

I was contemplating the issue of not having enough time.  What does that really mean?  Does it mean I forgot to set the alarm and woke up late and then fell behind on everything?  Does it mean my day was taken over by unforeseeable events and I couldn’t get to where I needed to be to complete a task?  These things will happen.  Something will always happen.  I may or may not have control of it but is it truly that?  Or is it the lack of motivation to pursue something, the lack of desire to achieve it?  I wondered so much about this.

Am I not motivated enough to accomplish my goals?  Am I simply going about my days having given up the cause, what ever that may have been?  I do tend to complicate things, over think them.  I do tend to linger a little where I’m not supposed to.  I call it surviving.  Hmmm… I’ve quite a bit going on right now.  I feel it a huge load on my shoulders but… why should that stop me?  I am a problem solver, a doer, an accomplisher of things… stuff.  Why should anything stop me really?  It shouldn’t.

Whatever time I have I should use it.  I should know what to do with it. Life is made up of moments, little fragments of what could be.  I am the architect of those fragments.  I shouldn’t even be writing about this but it is so helpful to let this out.  I’m bursting.  Whatever little I accomplished today, anything, is after all an accomplishment.  It did get done and I am writing… something.  I was successful, productive… I was able to build on those fragments and something did happen.  It’s done.  I should continue, persist… I can’t back down.  I won’t.  I’m needed, wanted… those fragments won’t evolve on their own.  I’ve plenty of time just… not right now.

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Momo

I recently bought a new phone. It was long overdue. It is fantastic. It is not anything special really, just that I noticed some things since I’ve been involved with it. It doesn’t tell me what to do. It does not force me to choose a sentence I don’t want or call someone I didn’t mean to. When I download an app, it does it gently. Yes. It is gentle with me. I don’t have to try too hard. I like the non-auto correct feature. Of course, it could just be the settings on it that I could change but… I do feel like she gets me. Yes… I’m pretty sure it’s female. I mean a male would be bitchy and all macho about everything. Momo is not. She’s very patient and only wants what is best for me. It also allows me to listen to YouTube while I do other stuff like text and do searches on the web. I feel how much we are in sync. I love it. The most rewarding thing about Momo (In case you didn’t get it yet, I named her that.) I didn’t pay more than $100 for her. I bought her on a promotional sale. No! It is not an I-Phone. I would never do such a thing. She is all smart and no bull.

I need the uncomplicated right now. I am so very complicated myself at times. I think that’s why we get along so well. She helps me uncomplicate my life quite a bit. Sounds ridiculous to think of a phone doing that for you, but she does. I mean, why else would she automatically adjust the screen to the softness I need depending on the external light. I never had anyone adjust to me quite the way she does. Momo is the perfect companion. She neither yields or subjects me to anything unnecessary. We are synchronized and right now I may be full of… something, but she will continue to stay by my side and provide me with anything I require. Now that’s loyalty! I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Oh… she also charges at the speed of light.

Momo

I would not be surprised if one day she would come to life and decided to walk away.  Momo is not a very sexy name after all.

Writer’s Life #2 – Blank…

How long before the fiction in my head splatters on the blank in my life.  There is blank there and I’m waiting for it to fill up, burst with chaos.  Frustrating to have so many thoughts, worlds and characters almost boil over.  I don’t have enough time.  I can’t type fast enough and I can’t remember it all.  I’m always joking that I need a nano-chip in my brain.  I want it linked to my computer.  It would read all my creative genius (LOL) and explode it into some sort of coherent creation in words.  I joke… but I wish it were possible.

Sometimes I journal.  However, my handwriting is chicken scratch.  I can salvage some of it but some… I haven’t a clue!  Still it is a good thing and I can fill in the blanks.  I’ve some weird stuff that turns into good stuff that can potentially become great.  If only I could read my own writing.

My life is like this.  I can’t read my own writing sometimes so I leave it blank.  I’m not waiting for the nano-chip though.  I’m going to fill in the blank, even if it takes forever.  No one else can do it for me.

Clarity

MyEyes2

I will move forward with my eyes wide open, fully aware of myself in all the mistakes I’ve made, am making and will make.  I am not perfect but my intentions are and when I let myself down, I will embrace my broken pieces with love and forgiveness.  I won’t pretend to understand but rather accept, with humility, the things I cannot change.  They will make me stronger, build me up against raging storms.  I will keep my path clear of emotional clutter so that I may see better, breathe easier and love more.  It is love that will save me.  My life may be chaos right now but I don’t have to be and I will do what I can to nourish my existence with positivity and hope.  I will let them be my guides.  I’ll not cling to desperation and hopelessness.  That is not who I am.  My eyes will remain open to the possibilities and dreams that hide in the mirrored masks of life.  I will protect myself from negative vibes and drink up the visions that lead me to happiness.  I will not look back.  Regression is not an option.  I see clearly now, with my…
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Writer’s Life #1 – Feeling this

Who the heck is Mel Gutiér? What does she go on about in her head? Why is it so important to get thoughts out for her when before all she wanted to do was curl up and disappear for a long while?

Yes… I like solitude, but I also like company. The kind of company that stays quiet for a while and lets me breathe. I think that’s why I am so attracted to blogging. I can be an introvert here. I am in control of my own noise and I can filter as I please. Does that even make any sense? My life is so complicated and messy right now. It’s a wonder I have any time to edit my novel. I also feel guilty for not spending more time reading friends and writing more on Fiction. Actually… I don’t feel so bad because I know I can always go there. I can always pull up posts that I would like to catch up on. Damn it! I’m all over the place aren’t I. I live in dreams and wish upon stars and… messy. My life is messy right now.

Can I still be happy this way? I could. Still, I’m wondering why I’m referring to myself in the third person up there. Why? I’m so weird. I know you might be reading this and think “WTF!”. Yeah… WTF!

This will be a part of a series I’m starting on Soliloquy. I hope to get better at this writing thing and hope this will help me uncomplicate my life by just letting things out.
Soliloquy… it’s one of my favorite languages. That’s all I got for now.

Going for a walk… alone, in my head.