Sunder during the storm

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How do people fall in and out of love so quickly? I wish my heart could do that. It would be far less painful that way. It hurts too much after you’ve fallen deeply in love and then leave or lose that love. It will take many lifetimes to recover from the loss and even then… no one will ever be able to take their place. Ever. Not sure. Time heals, I suppose. TIME. The great healer of hearts… of pain.

I suppose it could be a self preservation thing. This falling in love quickly with someone else, so as not to be alone, because that silence is too painful, too lonely. But… if one had truly loved that person, how can they easily move on to someone else? How can that other person replace the lifetimes embedded in them from that love. It must be a very painful existence to replace that someone so quickly. If they meant anything to them, truly meant something, the void would still be there, just look different, masking the hurt. Some people need that, I guess. Better than being alone, not hearing a loving voice, not be able to hold a conversation with the one that knew you so well, they WERE you… the best part of you.

I guess we are all different that way. As for the way I am built, I would never be able to do that. My heart, both courageous and fragile, is faithfully and painfully locked into that person. It does not have an on/off switch. I couldn’t look at another the same way or find comfort in the unfamiliar familiar affection.  My heart would be confused and hurt even more.  I am faithful to that love and the pain that comes from having parted ways.  It sooths my soul into darkness, burning me from the inside out, over and over again, until it leaves a scab.  It will be thick enough to sustain me in some shape and scarred deep enough to remind me of their heart.

Estimated time of recovery… unknown.

20 thoughts on “Sunder during the storm

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    1. I believe it was love. Perhaps I… was the leaf. There are just somethings you can’t compromise on, no matter how much you love someone. You must look at the bigger picture and do what’s best for both. Unfortunately it took a while to come to terms with that and I believe it is that… time invested… made the pain more profound for both parties.

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      1. I thank you for your words. Life is good even when it’s prickly. This love deserves a dignity of a proper introspective journey. Otherwise time would have been a waste. For me, it was eye opening and I must take time to reconnect with myself before I can let another fill that space still held captive. 😊💕

        Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL. Don’t worry. Unfortunately being in love is not enough… there have to be other commonalities that bond. There was some missing and I couldn’t accept that.

      We’re not perfect. But when you make a commitment to someone… other things have to change. I had too many doubts to continue. So… here I am.

      I’m sad but I’m not suffering really. I just want to be a better person. I’m trying.

      No worries! Don’t you go on a rampage. I need you happy! Love YOU!! 😍😘

      Like

  1. I believe I may have pointing up previously that people can be dicks. I guess were all different and while some love with depth and intensity and with unrelenting force others lap shallow at the shore of love where once storms raged

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    1. Oh! I’m so passed this. I had forgotten about it. I’m not that good with bleeds. I’m very much an introvert. Well, obviously not so much now! 😅

      But I do have a lot if thoughts! 😉

      Thanks fir your visits here. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely wonderful to hear. From one introvert to another, I get it.
        I’m still and introvert, I just manage and maneuver through it fairly well.

        Have you ever done the Carl Jung personality quiz?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lol I hear ya.
        But
        I mentioned it mostly because we were talking about being introverts and probably not any more for you. My personality type, INFJ, is an introverted type however they (me) seem to be extroverts, so I’m deceiving by nature. Lol. People don’t get why I spend a majority of my time alone or why I require down time by myself. I used to feel bad about it, but when I discovered it’s a bit of who I am, it made sense.

        When I did it several years ago I was struggling some with things, people, acceptance of myself and self esteem. It was fascinating to read who I was that prior I had no explanation for, sort of made me feel better about me, I’m sure you’re in a different place in life so it might not mean the same thing, it could be fun though!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I relish my time alone. I do require it. My spirit starves for it. I have to balance and make sure not to hurt those around me, especially my children. It may seem selfish, but wouldn’t it be more selfish if my spirit were suffering and I was not 100% to participate in life?

        Trick is… find that someone who won’t feel threatened when I require ME time. I am a very passionate person and THEY would have my full attention. But where is the man who will wait on the side, confidently knowing he has me completely, even though I may need to be alone with my thoughts at times?

        He would have to have a strong character and be very self confident, secure in himself. Perhaps someone good at making me miss him. Lol!

        No one is perfect, but we can dream. 😉

        I’ll take that quiz. I first thought wanting to be alone was because of lack of confidence. Now, I know for sure, I am an introvert. I love interacting with others, but I don’t need it to survive my life. Sounds selfish. But I feel it’s a bit of a gift. We can see certain things in a way others can’t. Often times that, is why we can be insightful and maybe even more loving. Empathy lives in the imagination. Imagination lives in soliloquy. 😉

        Tough one.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol to the tough one, we certain do have the same typing skills yet we’re both smart…..right? Lol

    So funny you mention it, my greatest challenges with relationships with men are my “independence” but in believe mostly it’s my introverted self.
    I’m very loving, I love deeply and passionately. Not just in romance but in all that I do and all the people in my circle of inner. So it’s a tough balance for me, people need a lot and I have made the mistake before of neglecting that necessarily self recharge time because people press me for my time and I care so much I give it.
    I end up moody and not always so nice, 😳😬 Which I hate. Then I feel bad and it’s a terrible cycle.
    I’ve had men leave me because they think I don’t care for them, love them because I am independent and require time with only me. It crushes me but I can’t change. The most success I’ve had in relationships is with strong minded confident men. So I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. 🙂
    I’m enjoying our little talks ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG! We’re very similar. I am constantly needed… same thing happens to me.

      You’re a very intelligent young woman. You have time. I’m giving the rest of my time to my girls. They must have the best and all of me. I’m trying.

      If there should be a man in my life, he would have to be a pillar, well grounded, his home built, no loose strings, they must be all taught and resilient. Then and then, it will be in his eyes. He will take my hand and hold it firm. He will not hesitate but anticipate me, my ways and though he might frown at times, with my childish behavior, he will understand. He will put my children’s needs before mine, even to the point that I might grow jealous (but I won’t because I will be at his feet for that). He will sit quietly beside me, and allow me to breathe on my own for a while. In turn, I will be devoted to him, his needs, his desires… everything.

      That’s me. Sigh…

      Hugs!

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      1. YOU are a romantic. ❤️ It’s beautiful.

        I’m less of a romantic but that type of thing was stolen from me at a childhood age by abuse and lack of love. I’m a realist. However I’m also an idealist.
        I’m just learning about my inner romantic though and it’s fun!
        At this point in my life, I’m only looking for mutual love. Yes, I’ve learned he’s going to have to be confident and discerning but that all I’ve got so far. Lol. Time will tell, as you mentioned I’m fairly young.
        You are one hundred percent right in giving everything to your children. I hate when people conceive and leave their children, so to speak, to fulfill selfish desires. The made the choice to have sex, they made the choice to parent, those little people need love and full attention. You’re a great mother. ❤️

        Like

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